Who Am I? by G

Who am I??

Well, ever since I was a little guy, that Life, always caught my eye.

Money, power, respect, lots of drugs, plenty of sex, bumpin’ Ready to Die.

Dressing’ fly, riden’ high, no roof, seat back, all sky, no lie!! All I speak is real.

From brandishing that steel to stacking hundred dollar bills.

The kid is known in Fayetteville.

From South Gate to Nasty Massey Hill, all the way back to Hope Mills.

From selling crack, coke, the H and them pills.

Matter of fact, sold everything from high jacked 20 inch wheels to food stamps and vouchers for free meals.

And still…

The name rings bells.

From home invasions to illicit drugs sells.

But then i sit here and wonder how i failed, and continue to spend half my life sitting in these prison cells.

See, i created my own living hell.

Now I’m mad because all my peeps bailed and aint sendin’ any mail.

Upset because after I fell, my girl was gone before i was even out of the county jail…

Now, I’m sitting’ here beat. so stressed out, at times I cant even eat.

Up nights, I cant even sleep. Laying here on these sweat soaked sheets.

My mind full of regrets, got me unable to think. Heart heavy with grief.

Sending out Motions to the Courts, praying for some relief.

So sick of living this way, why is it so hard to admit defeat??

If I don’t change now then what am I going to do when I get released and finally hit them streets??

The definition of insanity would be to hit repeat, but then expect some thing different to occur then what happened previously.

But it is easy to see, that the old me, that dude is history.

The homies that kick it with me, will tell you it aint no mystery.

The kid is focused on his reentry.

With getting out and staying free for the rest of this century.

Now you will only hear good things when people mention me…

So, who am I?? Some tough guy??

Or, a man with tears in his eyes that silently cry’s because he cant understand why his own daughter refuses to write…

A man that lost his best friend, and is now unable to comprehend, or express with a pen, the complex feelings that exists with-in.

Struggling with the repercussions of my every sin.

While at the same time struggling with the concept of what a sin really is.

Remembering all the places I have been.

Not wanting to accept all the time I have lost and the places that I will never get to see again.

Yet I try to remain Zen.

Hang ten and grin, while I am waiting for a win…

Every day, is another lesson to learn.

So what can I say, when I’m asked to explain who I am and what I have discerned.

I know that things happen for a reason and at the end of every season we usually get what we deserve.

It is so absurd.

Those seeds we so carelessly thrown.

When in the end, we have to reap what we have sown.

There is so much truth I have seen many things I have been shown.

But I cant even begin to articulate it all with this simple poem.

If you are feeling what I’m saying then know you are not alone.

In this life we continue to grow so we are never really grown…

So true, seems like this whole thing was some sort of deja vu.

It’s kind of like I knew, like it was something I had to go through, just to prepare me for something new that I’m still meant to do.

One of which just might be for me to meet you…

So, take a chance.

Accept this dance.

Because you cant figure out who I am with just one glance…